We have all been there where there is that special someone who seems to have a permanent grip on your heart. This is all good when you are with that person. A breakup in a situation like this can be devastating as the other person moves on with their life, leaving you behind to hold the broken pieces of yours.
So its been a while and you are still hung up on your ex. You may feel that getting over them is impossible, but its not. Like most things in life, this feeling too will pass. It will take time but it can be done. The only way for it to remain is to choose to hold on. Yes, holding on is actually a choice although it doesn't feel like it.
Here are ten (10) reasons why you can't get over your ex and what you can do about it. If you want to get rid of the heavy burden that makes it hard for you to lead a normal life, keep reading. If you would rather hold on forever to someone who has no intention of ever returning to you, it might take a little more convincing so check out this video that shares tips on how to deal with that ex that has gone MIA on you.
Reason 1: You fear you will never find anyone better
You have been with your ex so long you have grown to believe they are irreplaceable. The sad truth is that they do not share this belief and have proven it by leaving you. You are left spiraling in a sea of memories where you are unable to see a brighter future without them. The more you try to move on, the more you pull back as you fear getting hurt. This fear is normal and is allowed for some time but there comes a point where you will have to face the fear of moving on. They have and so should you.
Reason 2: You are obsessed
It could be that the attachment you have to your ex is tied to obsession. Obsession is an unhealthy bond that border lines on crazy like in those Lifetime movies where one obsessed woman plots and schemes against another. Your level of obsession could drive you to commit devious acts in the hopes of winning your ex back. Another form of obsession is you constantly thinking about the person and doing things to get them back at the expense of everything else. Your life comes to a halt and important things are neglected as you incessantly seek to get your ex back. This kind of obsession motivates your every action and you see nothing but your goal of winning them back.
If you honestly think you might be obsessed with your ex, you might need outside intervention to help you get pass it. Find a friend who will give you cold hard truths about your ex that of course you will not believe at first but over time will come to accept. Try as best as you can to see him for what he is and not what your fantasy says. This will not happen overnight but the more you focus on who he is really is and how he treated you, the easier it will become to accept the reality that he is gone and maybe say good riddance.
Reason 3: You gave your all and you have nothing left
This is a miserable state to be in because you may have invested all your time and energy to then have your efforts wiped clean by your ex. It is important to note however that all your hard work could have been viewed as something else by your ex. You believe you were doing a good job when all you were doing is working your way out of a relationship. Your all could be you only scratching the surface in the mind of your ex. Quantity does not always equal quality so many of your efforts may have been in vain and that is a hard pill to swallow.
Irrespective of the viewpoint; in your mind you have given your all and having done that makes it even harder to let go. You become emotionally trapped in what could be a dead relationship. Your ex has moved on but you continue to hang on for dear life because you feel you literally have nothing left to give. You may feel this way, but you do have more to give. In fact, us humans are more resilient than we think and there is no end to the road of possibilities for you. You can give more and even greater than you have before. The problem is your inability to allow yourself to first let go. You have reserved all your emotional energy for them and everything else in your life suffers. You feel depleted and become closed off. For some, life is not worth living anymore. You have to push past this feeling and accept the loss so you can refill your cup.
Reason 4: Your ego
Your ego could be getting in the way of you getting over your ex. This means you believe you are too good for them to not want you so you hang on for dear life in the hopes that they will see it too. This is painful to watch because the sad reality is that they dumped you and your ego will not bring them back. In fact your ego could push them further away as you may be displaying an arrogance that is extremely unattractive. Humility wins the game every time but that does not mean it will win your ex back.
Keep your ego in check, especially if there is to be any chance of you winning them back.
Reason 5: You like the feeling of hanging on
Who knows maybe you enjoy the pain of not having your ex around. You may have come to grips with the fact that they are gone but relish the emotional turmoil you have been experiencing. If this is the case, you must ask yourself if this is the only way you can feel alive because being in a permanent state of sadness and trauma is not healthy. Liking the feeling does not make that feeling good for you. Did you know that emotional stress can manifest as illness in the body? If you have become addicted to pain and stress, you may be in need of urgent emotional rehab. Rely on friends, family and support groups to help you get over the unhealthy attachment you may have to your ex.
Reason 6: More time is needed
This is a reasonable position to be in. There is no time limit for when it is appropriate to get over a breakup but if your ex dumped you recently, no one should expect you to get over in a week or two. On the other hand, you could be pushing the envelope if years are rolling by and you keep telling yourself you need more time to get over your ex. Remember getting over your ex may be hard but you can deliberately choose to not let the emotions hold you ransom for life. Although its a hard choice, it is still a choice and one you have the freedom to make. You can decide when time is up and enough is enough.
Reason 7: You refuse to accept that they are gone
This is a point of denial where you refuse to accept reality. Your ex has left, moved on maybe even got married and has children and you are still despondent, doing nothing with your life but wait for their blessed return. You can deny, but the truth persists that your ex has left you. You torture yourself when you refuse to accept the loss and move on. You remain in a constant state of flux where everything your ex does is interpreted as them loving you or showing you signs of their return. Your heart is broken every time you realize you were wrong. You become part of a viscous cycle that has you being the one hurt every time while your ex is busy doing what they do which does not include you.
Rip the Band-Aid off and face reality. Even if it takes longer to accept it, face it head on. This means you will live your life in the reality that they are gone and could be gone for good. Facing the truth is the only way you will be able to move on, no matter how long it takes.
Reason 8: The bond is too strong
Unfortunately someone does not agree that the bond is too strong to break and that person is your ex who dumped you. They snapped your "bond" like a twig and has moved on with someone else. Yet here you are justifying your reason for holding on to the nothingness they provide. To breathe we need oxygen. Your ex is no longer supplying you with what you need to survive in a relationship with them because for them, there is no relationship.
The feeling that the bond you have with someone is too strong to break is the worse kind, because you feel justified in holding on. This kind of entrapment leaves you bonded (pun intended) for what could be a lifetime if you let it. You are unable to move on because you feel emotionally tied to the other person. In your mind you are still together and will always be. When the feeling is not reciprocated you continue to find reasons to hold on. You keep telling yourself the bond you share will bring your ex back. You ignore the fact that they might never want to be in a relationship with you ever again. This is a slow and painful death as you wait hopelessly for fate to bring them back to you.
If this is the case wake up and smell the coffee, smell some stinky shoes if you have to but snap out of it and quick. Being emotionally tied means you are unavailable for what could be your future lifelong partner. Don't rob yourself of finding true happiness, cut the noose and move on.
Reason 9: You took it too seriously
This is a hard pill to swallow but it could be that you took things too seriously and your ex was just having fun with you. To know this and hang on is sad enough but you continue to struggle because for you it was the real deal. Your belief is that what you shared with your ex, is more than it actually was and it keeps you fixated on them. In your eyes the relationship had more value than they placed on it. You are left in a state of bewilderment as you may have invested more than your fair share into a relationship that was never really one.
Laugh at yourself for being duped, pick up the pieces and move on like it never happened. No point wasting energy and tears. Learn the lesson, let it go and move on. Pat yourself on the back because you will be stronger for it.
Reason 10: You still love them
This reason may be part of all of the above. Loving someone cannot always be rationalized so remaining in love after being dumped is normal. The love you still feel for your ex can become your downfall when you allow those feelings to rule your emotions and actions. Doing stupid stuff in the name of love is not the way to go either. Clinging to someone you love who has left you, does more harm than good. Like reason #7 you feel justified by the love you feel for them. Pledging your heart in allegiance to your ex forever is you deciding to never love that way again. Its unfortunate because your ex has not done the same. Look at where you are in the big picture. You are on the outside getting nothing from your ex.
Using love as your reason for holding on could lead to emotional abuse. If your ex realizes you are hung up on them and will never let go, they could use it against you and have you going on a wild goose chase. Your persistent hope that they will return could have you doing cartwheels and more for someone who has no intention of being with you. Love but let go.
More than one of the above reasons may have hit home as to why you can't let go of your ex. Here are some more strategies to help you get over your ex. There is no use holding on forever if they don't care.
A. Face your fear head on. Believe it or not, your ex is not the only "perfect" partner out there. There are others and some could be a better fit for you if given the chance. Allow others to get close to you. take your time but do it. Get out there and meet someone new. You will never know unless you try.
B. Seek professional help. Maybe the feelings you cling to cannot be removed on your own. You may need someone detached from your situation to guide you through getting over your ex. The reasons listed above have complex elements and love is such a crazy irrational thing, so letting go is easier said than done. If you have been struggling for some time now, it might be best to seek professional help. Your mental and emotional well being is important. You are of no use to anyone including yourself if you are not well.
C. Self reflect. You may have been hanging on for way too long. Take a look in the mirror. Be honest with yourself about where things are with your ex and drop that hot potato that has been burning a hole in the palm of your hand or should I say heart. Put your ego aside and let it go. If your ex wanted to work things out with you he would've made a move in that direction by now. Why are you sitting by watching him move on with someone else? Get off your butt, brush the dust off and keep it stepping.
D. Accept the loss and move on. Acceptance can be hard but if you took a situation too seriously there is no other way around it. Accept that you got duped and try to get over it. You might as well learn to get over it because it may happen again. Hopefully then, you will be older and wiser to catch it quickly. We all make mistakes so don't be hard on yourself. You fell for someone who doesn't share your feelings. Let it go, its really their loss not yours.