Ladies it is getting harder to bag a good man in these streets. You are traversing an obstacle course and you keep crashing into the wrong guy. Pull up the brakes and let me help you.
The men we come across when dating all appear super cool at first, the ugly monsters (their true selves) eventually appear and we are forced to take flight.
You may have asked yourself "why do I keep falling for the wrong guy?" The answer is simple. You do not know what to look out for, so you fall into the trap each time. The sad part, which is worse than the process itself, is the time wasted that you will not get back.
Slow your roll and be armed like a ninja. Don't be out in these streets wandering aimlessly. Exercise laser focus and dodge and weave the suckers as they come.
They say men are simple creatures and its us women who complicate everything. Well, men are complex too. There is no black and white script to define them as a whole and they are certainly not a one size fits all.
They come in all sizes, shapes and forms and I'm not talking about the physical only. It's typically hard to tell who a person really is, just by what you see. You must interact at some level, which means you risk wasting time if they don't measure up.
For this reason, the sooner you're able to figure out the true intentions of a man and whether you're compatible, based on his personality and what you are looking for in a relationship; the better.
There are countless types of men but while you are on the lookout for what you want, you need to be able to spot the ones to avoid and early.
A challenge you may face when dating is that a man could be hiding his true nature which can make if difficult to know if he's for real. The truth is, he won't be able to hide for long. The same goes for us as women, soon enough our true selves come bursting through to freedom. The point is to realize it sooner. Follow up on these types of men to avoid and you will be better able to spot them a mile off.
No one is perfect, so there will be some of these annoying traits in every man. You will have to decide to what extent you will compromise. If its something you definitely don't need in your life, go ahead and cross the street honey and not waste any more time.
I've had my share of dating and I can tell you, the learning process can be fun but there are some moments that make you cringe. Dating is pretty much a game and it sucks when you lose, so save yourself some trouble.
Quit investing your time and energy into someone that's just not worth it. The problem is, you tend to find this out too late.
Know the Signs
Resist the urge to try and fix a man that you know is not right for you. The easiest way to find this out is to check his attitude towards some things. His attitude is attached to his personality so this will help you pick up on his "type".
The types of men to avoid as outlined in parts 1 and 2 are in no way scientific. These types are defined and labeled based on my own experience and some friends who have had their share of dating guys like these. It is now my job to help a sister out. I want to spare you the trouble of wasting your time wandering the streets and bumping into crazies.
The list of types could easily become parts 3, 4, 5...but let's say I have prioritized. Before you scroll pass to the list of types in part 2, check out part 1 in this video. If not, scroll ahead and catch up on part 1 whenever. They are not in chronological order anyway.
If you stumble upon any of these types of men, don't walk, RUN.
Part 1: Types of Men to Avoid
The Father Figure
Annoying much? This is the type of man that thinks he knows you better than you know yourself. He wants to control every aspect of your life by creating a 'parent and child' dynamic in the relationship.
Men that do this are generally older than their female counterparts but there are cases where someone of equal age or younger will display type of behavior.
If you like being babied or bullied, this type of man might work for you; but if you're someone who loves her independence and wants a mutually fulfilling relationship where both parties are able to express themselves equally; this type of man will be the roughest of sand papers.
His controlling behavior manifests itself more when you're in public. He thrives on having an audience because he wants to be seen as the one in control.
In conversations, you will find that your opinion has less value to him, as what he says is correct and always better. You're like a child to him anyway, so it matters little what you have to say.
Daddy here, doesn't take criticism well or advice, especially coming from you. On the other hand, he always has something to say and talks down to you just like talking to a child.
This dynamic slowly eats away at the fibers of the relationship and it is the biggest killer of sexual chemistry. If you're dating someone that is displaying a 'father like figure' in your life more often than not and you're a grown woman with no time to waste, get a move on and leave daddy well alone.
Having dated for a while, if you're now at the stage of being booed up, you might consider your partner your best friend. This is OK because friendship provides a solid foundation for relationships. Trouble sets in when your boo wants to be besties with every other woman he meets.
This means he's always on call for them he has very few boundaries when engaging these other women. He also has a high expectation that you will accept things the way they are. You may have come into his life and found that he has several female friends that he casually refers to as besties. You are tolerant in the beginning in the hopes that he will start to shed some of these "friendships" but that does not happen.
While it is not OK to tell a man to not have female friends, it sucks when he is being too close for comfort with other women. He might be honest with you about it or may be hiding deeper truths about the nature of his relationship with some of these women. This becomes problematic especially if he is spending more time with his besties than with you.
If his so called besties know more about him than you do, which is expected, as they know him longer; it could be an indication that their bond is stronger than the relationship he has with you. The trailing line of female besties in his life can feel like a ball and chain in your relationship.
Another issue arises if he confides in his female besties more than you. This is where they know all the plans he has for his future and yet he struggles to share stuff with you. In scenarios like this, your boo might refuse to put you first and will rely heavily on his other female counterparts for advice. He may value their opinions more than yours and he is highly prone to his decisions being influenced by them. His female besties could eventually lead to the demise of your relationship.
You might think that latching on to his female besties will make you a part of the group but don't, because that will not be the case. They will simply use whatever information you provide and use it against you. They might even tell him about the things you have been discussing. They might appear to take your side to your face but behind your back they got his back more than yours.
His besties watching you leave so they can talk about you.
Your boyfriend having female friends is fine but if you feel undermined by their presence because he displays inappropriate behavior, then he should do his best to fix it. If he refuses to change the toxic dynamic if there is one, this might not be the man for you.
The Doomsday Prepper
Luckily this is not a common type that you might run into when dating. The Doomsday Prepper as I would like to call him is a man that worries about everything in life but at an extreme level. He is always in a state of flight or fright and almost all his actions are geared towards self preservation. Of course we all want to stay alive but this type of man will disrupt the very act of living to ensure he will still be alive when hell freezes over.
If you're on a date with this type of man, you will soon enough hear him talking about the end of the world and what you need to do to get off the grid to stay alive in the future when the vampires and zombies are let loose. It will sound like he is describing a scene from 'The Walking Dead' but he will be dead serious. If you find this all cute, go ahead and soak up all he has to share, but if you can't imagine being in a long term relationship with someone who lives this way, then slowly grab your purse and make your way to the nearest exit.
If you managed to get caught in a relationship with this type of man, then know that all his life savings will go towards building his dream bunker. Forget about awesome vacations and even some basic day to day expenses outside of eating and merely staying alive. His mind is trapped in a future he has imagined and to him it is realer than anything you both got going on.
The strain is felt when he expects you to do the same. He will be telling you how to spend your money in a frugal way of course and might even offer to manage it for you. He would not be using a bank though as life off the grid is his goal. This man's head is in the clouds permanently and unless you are on the same page as him, you may as well leave. He might not even notice.
The Loud Mouth
This guy is the life of the party and you generally hear him before you even see him. He likes to be seen and heard and his high energy personality sucks the air out of every room he enters.
If you are a laid back type of woman, this is not the kind of guy you want to settle with. They say opposites attract but unless you enjoy the challenge of having a man like this pull you out of your shell, just kiss and say goodbye before it even starts.
It doesn't matter where he is, he is always running his mouth. If you're watching a movie together you will find him commenting on every scene and at the point of him getting excited he raises his voice. In fact, the more excited he gets, the louder he becomes.
His male friends love and appreciate him because he has the perfect personality that will keep their spirits alive, especially when hanging out.
Forget about dining in a fine restaurant with a quiet ambience. This type of man is better suited for a loud sports lounge where he can get on top of his voice and maybe even on top of the table.
This type of man is very attractive in the beginning because he brings life and excitement to all he does, but as you settle into a relationship his larger than life personality becomes overwhelming.
This type of man will not take lightly to being told to be quiet. He might even get louder out of spite. The attraction can be high when you meet someone like this, but exit left if you know there will be a personality clash. In a scenario like this, opposites definitely do not attract.
The pessimist is one who sees a negative in all situations. It begs to wonder how he even got your attention in the first place. He may have come on to you by making fun of something he deems as negative, but secretly he is truly annoyed by it. You may have taken it as him having a sense of humor but that is farther from the truth. Generally, a pessimist is a negative person who sees the good in nothing or anyone. They will point out all the reasons why something will not work and if you have plans or you are sharing ideas, he will be the one to shoot them down.
This type of man is always looking for a reason why things can't go right. This personality type holds you back in a relationship. His negative attitude makes it hard to move things forward, as he is always pointing out flaws.
One common sign to look for is the constant backhanded compliments where he will say something nice to you but it's quickly followed up by something negative. He never over extends on the goodness he can give, he is always holding back because of a lack of trust. He is also very paranoid and questions all your actions. This places a strain on the relationship which is then followed by one or both of you calling it quits.
Dating a pessimist is exhausting as you will have to work to prove whatever it is you are doing and saying because without validation, much of what you do or say, is not received positively. If you are similar in nature to this type of person, it's a match made in heaven. You can both go your merry ways being negative and pointing out the flaws in others and always look forward to having bad things happen. However, if you're someone who thrives on positivity this is the worst type of person to run into. This type of relationship will not last because the pessimist does not provide a thriving environment for positivity and growth. He has a negative mindset and it weighs heavily on everything in his life.
Like I said there are countless types of men to avoid so be on the lookout for signs that this could be the wrong type of man.
Nobody is perfect but decide for yourself what you are willing to tolerate. If the behavior of a man falls outside of your basic expectations, don't waste time trying to make him what he is not. It takes time to know a person, so when dating these types of men by sure to give it some time, but if the obvious is clear, don't waste another minute. Ultimately you have to keep it moving if what he brings to the table does not meet your standards.